better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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