Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want her autograph on my taint
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
