Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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