Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My ass is underappreciated
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
