I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
