Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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