oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
