Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
