Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it penis luge time yet?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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