U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
