she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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