I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
