This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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