i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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