1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
