I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
