matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
