my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
