I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
