he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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