Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i think my cat just said my name.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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