you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
