Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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