Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize