it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
