Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
