i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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