Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We need to get me chipped asap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
