i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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