are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
