At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize