Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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