When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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