That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
