Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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