no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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