and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize