This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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