so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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