Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize