Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
