Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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