laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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