Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
