If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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