If i come over, it means nothing
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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