the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
