One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
