it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
