Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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