I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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