He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
