Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
