Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
