You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
