Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
