If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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