D3 body, D1 cock
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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