oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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