he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
