A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
