why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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