all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
