sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
