I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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